take two

Friday was a rough day. when the alarm went off, i climbed into the shower and had every intention of working the entire day. i quickly realized my emotions had other ideas. i attempted to put on eyeliner. it wouldn't stay on. i couldn't stop crying and the simple tears turned into sobs. i was a mess when i called Lori to tell her. i am certain she was shocked at the strength of the emotions that were flowing from me. i just couldn't stop them. when Grandma died, i had no choice but to work. the morning show had quit the day before. i had to do the morning show the day of the funeral and then go back to work the following day. i put away the feelings til i had time to work thru the grief. of course, that time never came. the grief came out at the most inconvenient times. this time, i wasn't going to put it away for later. i made that choice.

Dad and Uncle Don came together early in the day to put together "the arrangements." they had to go to the city's police department to pick up Uncle Rich's personal effects...his wallet, checkbook, keys. after his newspapers had built up from Tuesday, his neighbors went looking for him. the front door was unlocked (it was always unlocked when he was home...even at night...the security of small-town life) and they found him in bed. they didn't know what to do, so they called the city police. they came in and got him, took him to the hospital where he was pronounced. the police had really wonderful things to say about Uncle Rich. they were all familiar with him...not something you would normally think would be a GOOD thing...he was part of the community. he walked every day the weather was good...and walked for miles. they would honk and wave if they saw him first, he would wave first if the reverse was true. when he first moved to the community, he would have the occasional seizure while walking, the police would find him and take him to the hospital. eventually, all the officers learned his seizure patterns and would just take him home and stay with him til they knew he was alert and back in the world. i think he helped each one of them become better officers, and maybe even better people.

the phone rang the entire day, Dad repeatedly telling the story and i think becoming numb to it to be able to get thru the day. he and Uncle Don went to the house Friday to make sure everything was fine. the police had removed the sheets and the mattress, as Uncle Rich's body had let go of its fluids, and had opened the windows to get the air circulating. i can't imagine that courtesy happening in a big city, you know? Dad brought home the valueables, he and Uncle Don talked about what needed to be done, hugs given, tears and stories pouring out from all of us.

the only thing i knew i could do was cook. to help fill our stomachs while feeling an emptiness somewhere that wasn't going to be filled. i made breakfast Friday...scrambled eggs and toast...and dinner later. Potato-encrusted chicken breasts with mushroom risotto (thank you Boris!) and steamed asparagus. Friday night, one of Dad's buddies brought over Italian sausage and peppers for us, and our neighbors brought chicken cachiatore for us to eat later. the bringing of food during a crisis is a societal tradition i hadn't seen before. when you really think about it, those traditions show the respect and the caring others have for you and your family...

yesterday we went to the house and started going thru his things. mom and i took the bedroom and went thru his clothes and the dressers. there are bags upon bags of clothes to go to St. Vincent de Paul Society. they are sitting on the bed frame. the family will come thru the house and see if there is anything they want. what remains will be donated to St. Vincent de Paul so someone else will be able to use it. there are bedroom sets, a couch he never used, lamps and many plastic dishes and glasses. because he was alive, many families will live better lives. that seems to be the thought i return to.

Aunt Kathryn will be here today along with two of her daughters. Rose is coming in from Colorado, Debbie from Tennesee. Mary Ann may be here for the funeral Tuesday. almost all of Uncle Don's kids will be here. Carol had an idea that a few of us who are willing should eulogize him. she suggested i do it along with herself and the oldest of her sisters. a great idea. Debbie is the oldest of her family and she remembers Uncle Rich before his epilepsy. i am the niece who has spent the most time with him in recent years. i have a few stories of him that will make us laugh and appreciate his life.

because he was alive, because he was who he was, every single person who met him, knew him, loved him is a better person for knowing Uncle Rich.