this, Alanis, is ironic..

i just blew up two years and five months of work, of writing about my life and trying to make sense of the things that are showing up in it and how i am working thru them.

i blew it up because Brendan has drawn his own conclusions about what i have written and has attacked me in his own, lovely way, in only the way the Brendan could have attacked me. he definitely knows how to hurt me, and has done that.

i refuse to allow him to use my words against me again, so i blew up "my authentic voice." do you find that as ironic as i do?

i am looking for the gratitude in this situation and have found it...in knowing what i had written on the other site had done what it was intended to for me in allowing me an outlet.

there is gratitude in knowing that David and Gillian both wanted to make sure i was okay, and that David is still in my corner. that, for some reason, makes me happy.

there is gratitude in releasing the place i used to wallow in my sadness over Brendan. there is gratitude in releasing the place i used to work thru my unemployment.

i believe leaving that place with the two remaining posts will make a very loud statement.